April 25th, 2006

Subject: ohhh damn it all Time: 07:34 pm

so today i found out i will definately not have a job next year. yay. i cant stand living at home anymore and being treated like a child. my parents treat me like "their baby" and its so nice- but SO too much for me to take. i NEED to be on my own, im going crazy. no wonder i hated my life in high school. im really hating needing to move out, and not being able to afford to. if i sub next year, i wont even make enough money a month to pay rent. much less get my masters (which i need to start to keep my certification), or save up for a house (which it seems like i will never get). shit shit shit shit shit oh yeah, and fuck farmington and all those stupid teachers who talked me out of going to the job fair because ill "definately have a job next year" - you were Wrong!

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April 13th, 2006

Time: 11:24 pm

so its official everyone ive ever associated as a "friend" has turned out to be a total selfish bitch. where do i find there narcasistic, drug-addicted "friends" because i am sick and tired of being let down again and again and again. im i really that niave to think that if you make plans with someone that you'll actually hang out - or at least talk to them about canceling plans. am i that stupid to think that my "friend" wouldnt leave me on a corner in detroit. am i that socially deformed that the only people who want to be my "friends" no longer talk to me or care about me when it becomes inconvienient-even though i call them or email them and get no response. im sick and fucking tired of it. im not a peice of shit- why should i be treated that way be ever "friendship" i have ever had. fuck you all of you

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April 2nd, 2006

Subject: buh Time: 09:34 pm Current Mood: blah

wanting, wishing, waiting.. always telling myself it will be okay.. always disappointed oh yeah... and the rye grass growing in the modge-podged pot in my room died :(

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January 1st, 2006

Subject: you know you love my lipgloss Time: 07:48 pm

do you ever find yourself in a deja vu situation? not the club in kzoo... like that kind of situation where you know you should have known better. you should have seen it coming. i think i trust too much. i think i just give people the benefit of the doubt, and forgive too easily. i need to surround myself with people that i actually can trust, that i dont have to second guess their integrity or their intensions. the last few years i have put myself in the same situations with certain people over and over and i keep getting the same result. and i think im going to stop. ive said it before, but im just too forgiving and i guess naive. silly me, wanting to see the best in people. maybe i should just see the situations for what they have been and not sugar coat them. i need to realize that even though things went south, over and over again, that maybe its not my fault. maybe it wasnt because they didnt mean it, or because it was just a weird situation, but that maybe they're just shady pple, and i really cant trust, or that i shouldnt. i just put myself out there to be walked all over, and for some reason i am surprized every time. and everytime it hurts just a little bit more than the time before. im kinda sick of it. but its such a trap, having to give up, i hate that. its like failure. but so its trying. so whats the use. cant people just figure out what they want and stop dragging me along behind them until they figure it out. think about someone else for once could you? geeze louise. what a rank, okay, im done.

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Time: 05:38 pm

Happy New Years (: See more at my photobucket... I tried to loop it all in LJ, but its all screwy, so go to the link, thanks (: Pics

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